Operation Speed Dater (part 2)
by Sue Ostler
The Flirt Diva
Tuesday, 15th December 2009
In my previous article, we looked at how to make a good impression at a speed dating event; next we look at 'what to say!'
Question Time
Think of this as great practice run for that moment when you meet your OMG! soul mate.
Have you thought the moment through? What are your ice-breakers? What do you have up your sleeve? Surely your first question will not be the tragically predictable, “So, what do you do?”
NO! Leave the work questions for now – there's plenty of time for that later. It's a night out and it's meant to be fun – so don't make it all about work – boring!
Kick-start things with the quirky questions – have a stash of 'What's your favourite…?' questions ready to fire off. Start with the social stuff: drinking places, holiday spots, and things to do on the weekend. And then, if you really can't hold back from the dreaded work question, set the tone by volunteering what you do first. Keep it to the point and hopefully your flirt-mate will take the lead. And girls, keep the work questions brief and casual. It shouldn't come across like a Spanish Inquisition!
Listening
The art of listening is scientifically proven to be the sexiest quality on the planet! So do make every effort to focus on what your flirt-mate is saying. Rather than being on autopilot and fast-forwarding to what you will say next, make an effort to really stop and listen. Let the conversation follow its natural course and once your flirt-mate's said their piece – take the time to respond thoughtfully.
Pepper the exchange with light-hearted questions. Don't stick to a script. You're not on a fact finding mission here. You can find out all the facts in the world later, if there's chemistry. Right now the challenge is to unearth the essence of the person. Keep up great eye-contact and lots of responsive looks and nods. Interject once they're finished talking, rather than interrupting with your (more interesting!) version half way through. And when the time is right, reveal a little about yourself and then flip the spotlight back to them. That will help encourage your flirt-mate to open up and keep the conversation balanced evenly between you.
And then it's just a matter of remembering your ABC's...
A = Ask the W Questions: What, Where and When:
What's been the highlight of your week so far?
Where do you normally do on a Saturday night?
When was the last time you went out and danced?
Feel free to use the 'I' word - just be sure it includes them:
- I came here last week and I loved it. What do you think of it?
- I love this area; I come here all the time. How 'bout you?
- I've got my first Xmas party next week – I'm not ready for Xmas. How's your December shaping up?
B = Be yourself: Be excited, surprised, and delighted - don't hide it and don't be afraid to say what you think:
- You're funny!
- You're fun!
- I'm having a great time!
- This is the most I've laughed all week!
Your flirt-mate will take it as a great compliment - and god knows we don't get enough of them!
C = Concentrate: Make every effort to put your flirt-mate under the spotlight. The message should be - 'it's all about you!' So don't be looking over their shoulder or craning your head to see 'who's over there'! Look them squarely in the eye, pay attention to what they're saying. Make them feel like the most irristable person alive.
Reading the signals
Observe the way your flirt-mate composes themselves. If they're doing all the work and sending out all the flirt signals, it's up to you to receive them.
- Ladies, keep your eyes peeled for extended eye contact, eye-brow flashes, repeated touching of your arm, hand or ooh-err, your leg!
- Guys, watch out for hair-flicks, crossing and uncrossing her legs, drawing attention to her cleavage, lots of big warm smiles and lowered lashes.
When any of these signs are presented in a cluster it's a sure fire way someone's trying to tell you they're keen. If you count more than 2 or 3 gestures coming your way at any one time, you'll know you're getting warm! Then it's up to you to do your part by responding with similar gestures. Always remember the 'mirroring' technique.
If you like someone enough and you want to have some fun, you need to do a combination of things. That means multi-flirting. This is when you deliver a series of recognisable gestures within a short space of each other. Start with a snog-me-senseless-smile, followed by the shag-me-stupid gaze (devour both the eyes and the mouth). Always remember it takes lots of signals to convey your interest. Never just one. Think in clusters of and transmit up to three or four signals if you want them to 'get it'!
« Back to Operation Speed Dater Part 1
topic tags: body language, conversation, flirting, speed dating
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about the author
Sue Ostler, aka the Flirt Diva, is a recognised spokesperson in the field of relationships. Sue launched Vodka & Chocolate Love Therapy in 2004 and has since counselled thousands of women. She has been featured on 60 Minutes and written about extensively in international press including the Metro, Now Magazine, Look Magazine, New Woman, The London Paper, The London Lite, Time Out, FHM, TNT, Dare, Cosmo, Men's Health, and more.
Relationship author by day and Queen of Love by night, Sue has an undying belief that there's a Flirt Diva in every woman just waiting to burst out! Find out what Sue can do for you at www.vodkaandchocolate.com
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