Sue Ostler's Tips for dating success this Valentine's week

by Sue Ostler
The Flirt Diva
Friday, 11th February 2011

With St Valentine's Day just around the corner, the online dating sites are enjoying a spike in activity as tens of thousands of singles’ fling their hats frantically into the dating ring. The success stories are coming through loud and clear and one such heart warming story in the media this week caught my attention. A teacher found her perfect match through an online dating site, unaware that he was a caretaker at the same school. She fired off an email to him when she saw his photo and though, ‘Oh, you look very tasty.’ Next thing he emailed back, ‘Hi. How are you? We’ll talk more at school tomorrow.” They married six weeks ago. So THERE to all the cynics. It does work!

That’s the good news. The bad news is that the erratic, unwieldy world of virtual love, e-dating and Tweet-Ups etc. have an etiquette all of their own. If you’re going to do it, you might as well be smart about it. Here’s the lowdown of do’s do’s and no no’s.

1. Stalker alert!

Never, ever give your phone number out straight away, and preferably not until after you’ve met. Once someone has your digits, they may pester you, or ring you at odd and inappropriate times – and if there’s absolutely no chemistry, that can be very tiresome.

2. Ask enough questions

Use emails and I.M chat to casually ask enough questions to give you a broad picture of your suitor. If there’s a spark of interest, make the date sooner rather than later, that way it’s less disappointing if the person is not what they’d seemed. Rule of thumb, no more than 3 emails. And do make it a rule otherwise you’re wasting time. Bottom line, you don’t know what you’re dealing with until you’ve meet.

3. Buyer beware

There are very few recent photos around on the net so the photo you’re seeing could be up to 5-15 years old; hence your date might look very, very different. Try to casually suss out when the photo was taken before you meet up – otherwise, you might be in for a nasty surprise.

4. Your photo counts too

Likewise, when it comes to putting your photos up – keep it real and post a flattering but realistic photo of yourself, rather than a glamour photo from an airbrushed studio shoot! Otherwise you might be dealing with someone’s disappointment when they see you minus the soft lens, color enhancement and makeup extravaganza. Not a good start!

5. Profile proof reading

Be careful about what you write in your profile up in fact if you can, get a friend to ‘proof read’ it. If you’re a girl who just wants to have fun and you say so, then that’s exactly how men will treat you. You’ll be treated as a Party Girl Date – someone to have fun with, and then, worst case scenario, to dump. Or, you’ll give the impression that you’re only interested in something no strings, when in fact what you’re really looking for is a future partner. Be clear about what you want and expect from a partner, but be open minded enough to embrace different ‘types’. Even better, scrap the word ‘types’ from your vocabulary altogether, it’s meaningless.

6. Location location location

When you agree to make a date, keep the destination public and somewhere central to you both. Going to anyone else’s home is a big no-no, as is giving out your own address or inviting someone to yours before you know them. Use your head and be careful. Coffee dates might seem boring, but they’re safe.

7. The meet up

Meeting for a drink might make everyone relax, but too much alcohol can be fraught. Just be sure that if you are meeting for drinks to put a ceiling on your meeting, i.e. meeting between 6.00 -7.00pm on Thursday ensures you can do a runner right on time if you need to.

8. Drinking

Erm, do try to stay sober as getting legless is not a good look and if you’re not in control of your actions, trouble can come a knocking (it’s not making a good first impression either). Finally make sure a friend knows exactly where you are and who you are with.

9. Waiting

If someone says they’ll call but they don’t, try not to be disheartened as there could be a good reason for it. Remember there are plenty of opportunities on the net, and you never know who else he or she may be dating, or whether they’re otherwise involved or gasp, married – it happens! Best to be wary and be prepared to accept that no matter how charming or well suited you may have thought you were, this is not the right person for you.

10. Keep it positive

When communicating across the net, or on the actual date, don’t go on and on about exes, bad relationships, unpaid bills or other banal problems in your life –or anything negative. Your date doesn’t want to hear about it. Use charm and be light, entertaining and funny. There will be plenty of time to talk about the serious stuff once you get to know them better.

11. Dating websites

Take your time and research the various websites and have a good look at the other profiles to see if it’s your cup of tea before joining up. Once you’ve done your research, narrow it down to those you like best and join more than one initially to get a feel for the one that suits you best. With perseverance, you will find one that suits what you’re after. Best to stick to the big brands to begin with.

12. Practice

Think of internet dating as a great way of finding out more about what you want – or perhaps more aptly – what you don’t want. In the worst case you’ll be making new friends and feeling good about yourself when you receive a truckload of emails. Just make sure to combine your virtual life with real life so you don’t turn into a complete geek!

Flirt Schmooze & Shimmy: Fridays in Feb and March from 6.30pm

Attention all Flirt Divas! Discover how to control your nerves and flirt without fear in this 3-hour session featuring dating expert and Flirt Diva, Sue Ostler's presentation includes demonstrations of how to deliver foolproof flirting, from all the tips, tricks and techniques - including the most frequently used Internationally Recognised Flirting Signals. Book your ticket now if you plan to sharpen your flirting skills and dazzle someone soon!

£30 Ticket Price includes of a glass of bubbly on arrival! Tickets must be booked in advance - no tickets sold on the door. Venue: West End venue TBA

Email: sue@flirtdiva.com for details.

http://flirtdiva.vodkaandchocolate.com

Ladies only!

topic tags: coaching, dating profiles, first date, online dating, valentines

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about the author

Sue Ostler, aka the Flirt Diva, is a recognised spokesperson in the field of relationships. Sue launched Vodka & Chocolate Love Therapy in 2004 and has since counselled thousands of women. She has been featured on 60 Minutes and written about extensively in international press including the Metro, Now Magazine, Look Magazine, New Woman, The London Paper, The London Lite, Time Out, FHM, TNT, Dare, Cosmo, Men's Health, and more.

Relationship author by day and Queen of Love by night, Sue has an undying belief that there's a Flirt Diva in every woman just waiting to burst out! Find out what Sue can do for you at www.vodkaandchocolate.com

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