by Vincent Wong
Friday, 11th March 2011
Things have been jollying along nicely until one of you decides to suggest a weekend away. Great idea, Einstein but now what?! The next step is down to you but be sure to study Mr Wong's top ten things NOT to do...
Seems romantic until you’re actually inside the tent. You’re putting on more clothes to go to bed, the nearest toilet is a bus ride away, and something with an egg sac is building a tiny house just above your mouth.
It took you 10 years to shake off that embarrassing nickname, and now you’re going to bring someone who you want to respect you into this group? It’s not that your new love will learn the nickname (you’ll tell him sooner or later anyway, when it’s funny). Now’s too soon to find out how you earned it.
Thought it was bad meeting up with old schoolfriends? They don’t possess baby pictures. And you’re going to be sleeping in your old bed. Or worse, your parents will lend you their room so you can sleep together.
Are you trying to get to know each other, or see who drops dead first?
Too much too soon, and nowhere to put your change.
It’s not intimate, and possibly not hygienic, when there are 500 other people involved. Especially if they are dressed as Vikings.
Unless you actually met at a convention, one of you likes dressing up as a Klingon more than the other one.
Anywhere where you can gamble, drink, get your new flame’s name tattooed on your arse, and get married within walking distance of the hotel is too risky.
This, from personal experience. Anywhere where steelworking has historically been the dominant pastime hasn’t invested in nearby romantic getaways. But you could have told me that.
Put the Crackberry down. Back away from it. Walk. Slowly. Through. The. Door. Now get on with it, and don’t look back.
Intellectual, humanitarian, therapist, daredevil: our relationship expert Vincent Wong is none of these. He is, however, a person who friends can trust with their innermost fears, aspirations, desires and wishes, secure in the knowledge that he'll put them into articles and publish them on the internet. If you have a relationship issue that needs Vincent's special brand of care, just ask firstname.lastname@example.org.
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