10 things NOT to wear on a first date

by Vincent Wong
Token Metrosexual
Wednesday, 23rd March 2011

Singles have been fretting over first date fashion since the invention of the loin cloth. We understand your pain. Mr Wong tackles this perennial source of dating dilemmas with his usual bravery, tact and the precision of a Coalition bombing run...

Men

1. Band T-shirt

Unless you’re going on a date because you both like the band, or are going to see the band play, it's a high-risk strategy. Gangsta rappers might make you look like a misogynist, heavy metal tees like a biker, Marilyn Manson marks you out as a depressive emo goth who can't tie his own shoelaces without medication, and anyone from the X Factor just means you're a dick. Plus it's hard to get a decent table at the Savoy Grill when you have “Fuck Da Police” written on your chest.

2. Lifts in your shoes

Told you that you shouldn't have lied about your height, now look what you got yourself into. Still, maybe the embarrassing footwear will distract her attention from your toupee for a few minutes.

3. Yesterday's underwear

Especially if she gets close enough to smell it. One word: planning.

4. Football shirt

Because it probably means your idea of a first date is for her to watch a game of football. Unless you are actually one of the professional footballers on the pitch, that is, in which case this might be quite an impressive way to begin.

5. Your best shirt from five years ago

She's not staring at your chest because she's mentally undressing you, she's wondering which button's going to ping off into her soup.

Women

1. Padded bra

Of course, if he's stuffed a sock in his trousers too, you're made for each other - and for a relationship filled with mutual distrust and eventual mild disappointment.

2. A white dress

He'll get the symbolism alright, but you might want to keep that sucker in the wardrobe for a few weeks.

3. New shoes that you got in the sale

OK, so they're two sizes too small, but look at the size of those heels! Men simply adore it when you limp the 20 yards from the car to the bar, and then spend the entire evening painfully looking for somewhere to sit.

4. Anything with cat hair on it

There's not a living thing that doesn't look a bit crazy when it has cat hair on it except, of course, a cat. You might think you look casual, light-hearted and kind. Society unfairly prefers labels such as lonely, obsessive, eccentric.

5. Oversized handbag

The hardback book, flat shoes, free newspaper, money off vouchers, half-eaten Twix, choice of perfumes, scarf, umbrella and collection of hairpins and bobbles will be just fine at home for a few hours. A small clutch bag containing lippy, ATM card, phone, toothbrush and spare knickers covers every eventuality worth considering, and it means that half the date will not be taken up with rummaging.

topic tags: fashion, first date, turn offs

share your thoughts...

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about the author

Intellectual, humanitarian, therapist, daredevil: our relationship expert Vincent Wong is none of these. He is, however, a person who friends can trust with their innermost fears, aspirations, desires and wishes, secure in the knowledge that he'll put them into articles and publish them on the internet. If you have a relationship issue that needs Vincent's special brand of care, just ask vewywong@datingtrail.co.uk.

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