Single ladies, perhaps it's time you learnt The Rules

by Alexis Thompson
Girl Friday
Friday, 15th April 2011

After an unsuccessful few months on the dating scene, Alexis Thompson has decided to change tactics and start using The Rules.

In addition to looking for love in the right places, I've decided I also have to adopt the right tactics in order to be successful, which is why I've decided to start playing by The Rules.

Funny enough it was my 83-year-old nan who first introduced me to The Rules. She told me that they'd been around for years and years, but it wasn't until the 1990s that someone had the lucrative idea to document them in a book and simply call it The Rules.

I was so intrigued, I decided to go out and buy a copy of what nan calls the 'dating bible' last weekend.

Growing up in the 40s my nan didn't need a book, she knew them instinctively and used The Rules to wrap men around her little finger without any of the anxiety or stress women have today.

The results for her proved magical; not only did every man in her home town want to take her out for dinner, they also wanted to put a ring on her finger, too. Fortunately, she singled out the most perfect gentleman of them all, my granddad, and the rest was history.

In the book, the author makes the bold claim that by the following The Rules you will be able to capture and keep the heart of Mr Right, just like my nan did.

The book's old fashioned advice goes against everything today's women are taught when it comes to affairs of the heart. Today we are encouraged to take control of every aspect of our lives, including our love lives, and we can do this by approaching men and asking them out ourselves.

But the book says this is the ultimate no no. In fact if you want to lose a guy before he's even had the chance to fall in love with you, then go right ahead and ask him out. Even if he says yes, The Rules warn that you'll be disappointed further on down the line when his interest starts to waver.

"In my day if you liked a man, you let him chase you and, trust me, if he liked you, he would”, nan told me.

She's right, it says so in the book. Apparently if a man likes you, he will do almost anything to get your number and ask you out, even jump through hoops of fire. Sounds dangerous so why make them do it in the first place? Why not just give them your number straight away and make it easy for them?.

"Because men love a challenge," nan said knowingly. "Why do you think they fight wars and play competitive sports?"

As the book states, when a guy has fought hard to get you, he'll also fight hard to keep you. So, according to The Rules, instead of being an assertive modern day career woman, when it comes to relationships simply back off and let men do all of the work. Pretend that the guy you like the most doesn't exist. When he calls, you wait a day or two to call back, when he leaves it as as late as Wednesday evening to ask you out on a Saturday night date, tell him you can't make it because you've already made plans. Be mysterious and above all, be difficult to obtain.

I personally think The Rules were created to protect us women from heart ache. I guess if we're not putting our feelings on the line by letting men know we really like them, then we can't run the risk of getting hurt or feeling rejected.

I'm not entirely sure if playing it safe with a rule book will enable me to catch the man of my dreams but it will certainly help to filter the dedicated types who are in it for the long haul, from the players who'll give up at the first hurdle. And to be honest, I'd rather wait to meet those kinds of men, even if it means remaining single for a while. As my nan reminded me with a twinkle in her eye: “Finding love is the fun part, remember once you've found it all the games stop.”

topic tags: attraction, first date, first move, flirting, relationships

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about the author

Alexis is a 27-year-old and very often, cash-strapped journo, searching for her ideal man in London. After being single for almost a year, since splitting with her first long term love, she's decided to ditch the night clubs and bars, and start finding more mature and sophisticated ways of meeting her Mr Right. Join her every Friday as she describes the trials and tribulations of discovering love in a city that has little time for romance, as well as offering advice to those in search of the same thing or who may not have realised they've already found it.

Alexis writes a weekly blog for Dating Trail. If you'd like to be be first to find out about her next installment then please follow us on Twitter or 'Like' our Facebook page for updates.

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