Alexis consults "The Rules" for advice on first date etiquette

by Alexis Thompson
Girl Friday
Friday, 15th July 2011

Guess what? I have a date this week, and I'm very excited as it will be my first in many months. But last night I got thinking, I'm a little out of the loop with this whole dating game aren't I? I haven't been on a date since February and even that didn't go too well. So I decided it was time to bring out my trusted dating manual The Rules, to remind myself of some valuable advice on how to have the perfect first date. This is what it told me.

Preparing for the date: Go on, relax and pamper yourself

Sometimes first dates can be as scary as job interviews and you can often find yourself with a pounding heart and sweaty palms hours before your date arrives. You don't want to come across as a nervy, on edge person though do you? You want your date to think you're a calm, relaxed laid-back chick who never gets in a fluster, especially not over something like a date, you have that many of them why would you?

So, as The Rules suggests, it's best to spend the hours before your date relaxing, perhaps by treating yourself to a pampering session or catching up with some friends for a spot of retail therapy. Splash out on a nice outfit to wear on your date, or get a facial and makeover so your looking your best for this important occasion.

But remember it's not that important, it's only a first date.

Many women see a first date as the beginning of something wonderful, which could result in marriage, children and a whole new life. And quite often it is. But all too often it's not.

As The Rules advise, it's best not to think and anticipate things that haven't happened yet, that way we won't feel let down when things don't go the way we hoped. Unless you're going on a date with an old friend, or rekindling something with an ex, then the chances are you will hardly know this person, let alone whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

So instead of fantasizing about weddings or contemplating how your name would sound with his surname after it, read a book, read a newspaper, watch a film..anything that will distract you from thinking about your date and your new life together.

During the date: Don't give away too much about yourself

Quite often women have this strange desire to reveal everything about themselves to someone they hardly know on a date. The Rules remind us that if we're naïve enough to do that, then we'll have nothing left to say on a second date. Plus we'll have put ourselves in a vulnerable position, where a guy will know far too much about us and so he'll have the upper hand. If you've spent the night confiding in a guy and you never see him again, you'll feel hurt and betrayed.

The Rules state that it's important for a woman to keep an air of mystery, as this will make a man intrigued and he'll want to find out more about you. In order to do so, he will have to see you again. If you like the guy you're on a date with, then this exactly the result you want, for him to ask you out on a second date.

So instead of drinking too much wine and blabbering away about yourself, take the focus away from you and ask him questions about himself. That way he'll end up doing all the talking, revealing way too much about himself, and you'll walk away with the upper hand.

Always remember your table manners

This is by far the most important thing, says The Rules. Most eligible bachelors like the women they date to have manners, so make sure you display this on a first date, even if you don't usually have any.

If he's taking you out for dinner set a good impression by chewing with your mouth closed, being polite to the waiters and making sure food doesn't end all over your nice new dress. Don't drink too much alcohol, as there's a chance your table manners, pride and dignity will all go out the window, as will the likelihood of seeing this man again.

And above all, be polite and gracious to the guy you are on a date with. Turn up to the date on time, pay him a couple of compliments during the evening, thank him if he pays the bills and thank him for a lovely evening, even if it wasn't all that great. You are a lady after all.

topic tags: attraction, body language, conversation, first date

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about the author

Alexis is a 27-year-old and very often, cash-strapped journo, searching for her ideal man in London. After being single for almost a year, since splitting with her first long term love, she's decided to ditch the night clubs and bars, and start finding more mature and sophisticated ways of meeting her Mr Right. Join her every Friday as she describes the trials and tribulations of discovering love in a city that has little time for romance, as well as offering advice to those in search of the same thing or who may not have realised they've already found it.

Alexis writes a weekly blog for Dating Trail. If you'd like to be be first to find out about her next installment then please follow us on Twitter or 'Like' our Facebook page for updates.

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