Alexis Thompson gets some valuable advice from a relationship coach

by Alexis Thompson
Girl Friday
Friday, 22nd July 2011

I recently received a lifeline in my quest for love. This lifeline came in the form of a happiness and relationship coach, who offered me some useful advice on how to capture and keep the man of my dreams.

She suggested that it was perhaps my own insecurities and reservations that were holding me back from finding love, and she offered some valuable tips on how to let go of these.

1. Leave your ex well and truly in the past

It's important to properly let go of a past relationship in order to move on, so if this means deleting your ex's number from your phone and their profile from your Facebook, then so be it. You can't really move on and look forward to a relationship with someone new until you've left them behind.

So, when I told my relationship coach that I'd recently deleted my own ex boyfriend from Facebook, she was very pleased to hear this news. “What have you done to celebrate this?”, she asked. I hadn't thought about celebrating when I pressed the delete button, I only felt a mixture of sadness and relief when I saw his face disappear from my Facebook page.

My relationship coach told me that I must celebrate as this was a huge achievement. So if like me, you feel you're ready to cut off all ties with your ex and look ahead to the future , then make sure you reward yourself for getting over this huge hurdle. If you delete his number or delete him as a friend on Facebook, then treat yourself to a night out with your friends, or an evening in on your own with a nice bottle of red.

2. Think about the types of men who'd be attracted to you

My relationship coach suggested an interesting thing. “Instead of thinking about the types of men you’re attracted to, think about the types of men who’d be attracted to you. Who do you think these men are?”, she said. I hadn't actually thought about this, but at the moment I'm probably attracting all the wrong types of men.

You see, my problem is I flit from one extreme to the other. After a few drinks I give the impression I’m a little, um...loose perhaps? Whereas the sober me gives the impression I’m uptight and not interested. I can’t seem to find the balance. So when I'm drunk I attract the men who are just after a drunken fling.

Have a long think about the signals you're sending out to men, the way you behave and the way you act around them, and then consider the type of men who you're probably attracting. Are they the type of men you'd like to date? If not, then perhaps it's time to change your ways.

3. Don't fear rejection

If you have a fear of being rejected, perhaps because of past heartbreaks, then you'll never allow yourself to fall in love again. My relationship coach told me something I'd always suspected, since breaking up with my ex I have a fear of rejection and so I put up barriers to protect myself from getting hurt again.

Those barriers only come down when I’m drunk and the drunken me attracts the wrong sort of men. So is this the reason why I’m single? I think it’s more to do with not meeting the right person yet but perhaps I’ll only meet that person once those barriers have come down.

Consider your own fears when it comes to relationships, if rejection is one of them then now is the time to break down those defensive barriers you've been putting up, and allow all the wonderful opportunities life has to offer to flood in.

topic tags: attraction, break ups, coaching, relationships

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about the author

Alexis is a 27-year-old and very often, cash-strapped journo, searching for her ideal man in London. After being single for almost a year, since splitting with her first long term love, she's decided to ditch the night clubs and bars, and start finding more mature and sophisticated ways of meeting her Mr Right. Join her every Friday as she describes the trials and tribulations of discovering love in a city that has little time for romance, as well as offering advice to those in search of the same thing or who may not have realised they've already found it.

Alexis writes a weekly blog for Dating Trail. If you'd like to be be first to find out about her next installment then please follow us on Twitter or 'Like' our Facebook page for updates.

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