When it comes to dating events, Jay asks if less is actually more

by John Davis
Writer, Comedian and Star of Come Date With Me
Wednesday, 12th October 2011

When I was first asked by Andrew Summersgill, CEO of Original Dating, to host a new format of dating, the ‘Midweek Social’, I was a little perplexed. What hosting do I have to do at a party where there are an equal number of single men and women, around 80 in total, but where no ice breakers are used and everyone just mingles and chats? ‘It’s just a singles night’ I thought, ‘with me as an entirely redundant host’.

But with bills to pay I duly set off for Kinbaku, a bar situated in Soho’s increasingly trendy Poland Street - and named after the Japanese art of rope bondage. Okay. A singles night in a bondage club. Rather than redundant host perhaps I would be paid as a rather embarrassed onlooker.

Set above the highly acclaimed Ukai restaurant, if you didn’t know Kinbaku was there, you’d easily miss it. Which would be a shame because this place is stunning. Putting aside paranoid thoughts of a bondage club smelling of fish - Ukai is a traditional Japanese method of fishing - I’m guided down a beautifully lit corridor, up a dark set of stairs and into a beautifully furnished, low ceilinged bar.

Two cocktail waiters, the manager and Andrew greet me. “It’s just a singles night right?” I ask. Alan, the mixologist, plants a multi coloured liquid delight in front of me. “No”, corrects Andrew. “It’s a pop up private members club where everyone just happens to be single.”

As we clear the room of unnecessary but beautifully crafted furniture I feel my heart rate increase slightly in anticipation of seeing a PR spun phrase establish itself as carefully crafted failure to understand non-PR reality.

It never happens.

Instead, the room slowly fills and as each person enters the room, they literally stand slightly taller as they pause to survey the scene in front of them. Notwithstanding the tastefully rendered 2 metre long images of body parts in bondage, people look impressed.

I give a brief introduction about ‘relaxing’ and ‘meeting new friends’ and ‘cocktails’ and ‘welcome’ and stuff. Not a word about being single or dating. People mingle freely. So freely in fact that I refuse to believe any of them are English in that stoic, stand at the bar and go no further than nodding way that the English do so well. Instead, within an hour the party seems, dare I say, to be ‘Going Off’. And not in the milk sense.

How is this possible? I take a seat to reflect on the apparent success of the night but find myself embroiled in a fascinating conversation with an architect and a journalist about the relative merits of the blue whale’s ten-foot penis. Clearly reflection will have to wait.

And here’s the thing. It’s a Wednesday night. Midweek Socials are designed as a regular get together at a new, and generally special venue with the idea that everyone still goes to work the next day. I stumble out at 1:30am with at least twenty folk still remaining and pledging that tomorrow is going to be a day off and earnestly swapping phone numbers.

It’s not quite ‘just a singles night’. And finally I get a chance to reflect. Is it that we’re so saturated with novelty – speed dating, cocktail dating, wine dating, online dating, bejazzle my shazzle and learn to dance with a parrot dating – that the simplicity of being in a room full of strangers is now novel?

No. It seems that a simple combination of amazing venue, great staff and intelligent lively and fun company with a hint of novelty is something that everyone can enjoy. Bosses watch out. Thursday mornings will never be the same again.

topic tags: first move, flirting, icebreaker, social networking, speed dating

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about the author

Like a modern day Moses, John Davis (formerly Jay Sivad) was rescued from under a bushel by the Dating Trail team. Cleansed of his past as a serious journalist, John emerged, the proverbial butterfly, as the country's leading dating writer. He's got practical skills too and can attest to being nation's most experienced dating host having run over 250 speed dating events for Original Dating. A stand up comedian, radio host, philosopher (it's true! He has the paperwork) and budding media personality (Channel Four's Come Date With Me), Jay turns a wry eye on the travails of modern dating and its participants.

John writes regularly for Dating Trail. If you'd like to be be first to find out about his next installment then please follow us on Twitter or 'Like' our Facebook page for updates.

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