Come Date With Me: John's roundup of episode three

by John Davis
Writer, Comedian and Star of Come Date With Me
Thursday, 8th December 2011

Wow! So episode three went to air last night and what a response it garnered!

Vitriol seemed to be spread wide across cyberspace and the armchair critics had plenty of bile to spew forth, particularly those armed with Guardian comment accounts. I felt almost betrayed by my fellow middling lefties.

But let's not begin on a sour socialist note. Let's have some commentary on the race before we turn our cameras on the crowd.

Wayne cooked up an oriental (sorry E. Said) storm with his Laotian (not Thai Mr Lamb) pork noodle dish and we were all, it has to be said, suitably impressed. Add a touch of magic and misogyny and I had no recovery, no room for revenge from his storming performance having stolen my thunder at my place the previous night.

I should also point out that thanks to the utter callousness of director-who-cannot-be-named and his editorial entourage you viewers missed out on the most surreal occurrence of the entire week. A random penguin walked into the room, said hello, served us champagne and left. It was genius. Alas the show does not run on genius but on a tried and tested formula, the name of which I shall leave to you dear readers (answers on a post card).

It would also appear that Matt's star has begun to fade after being left speechless following Tracey's, rather desperately stated, demand for a complimentary celebrity look alike for her. Don't rule him out. It's his date tonight after all, but he's got a lot of work to do.

As for me? I think my candle burned bright and short on the river and I'm probably now left to enjoy more food and wine in the oddly sad yet safe position of observer. And Will? Hmmm… There's definitely movement on the inside line. His persistent cheekiness has seen him progress from annoying to cheeky and a few hidden moments with Tracey see him positioned well as we approach the final bend. Does he have the legs despite the damp track? We'll see.

So for me at this stage it's Wayne by a head with Will hugging the fence, just nudging Matt aside. If I'm honest, after taking the opening straight at a steady pace I believe I may have fallen at the first. Still, I'll be the first in the showers and at the bar.

And now let's turn our camera's to the crowd. The Guardian website was awash with comments that began by berating the supposed flogging of a dead format and moved swiftly into assessments of our suitability as humans. I believe that at one point we were described as 'fame hungry ego maniacs' while another 'expert' described us as 'dim witted' and persanality (sic) less'.

It's all good fun and I don't mind too much but for one thing. The thread that ran through the comments was essentially expressions of utter disgust that the show was clearly staged/set up/a joke format. And yet no quarter was given for the fact that, if this was the case, then perhaps we're not actually as dim-witted or dull in real life as we appear. Don't worry, this isn't a crude 'you criticize it yet you watch it' whinge. It's a little more complex than that.

If you accept that the show is, at least in part, staged, then you also have to accept that how the contestants appear on your screen may not be truly representative of them in real life. You can't have your cake and eat it folks. But I understand it. We can intellectualise the necessity of a format being mostly false but we need our heroes and villains to be true, to be real. They represent the best and worst in us and we need to shout them down like children at a Punch and Judy show. We know there's a man with his hands somewhere anatomically inappropriate but we don't dislike Punch any the less.

It would appear that not even Guardian readers are immune from the Reviewers disease of desperately wanting the humble (sur)Reality Show to be as real as it damn well can be.

Good luck tonight Matt. May the forks be with you.

P.S. Guardian folk, you may soon be in for a bit of a surprise. Stay tuned.

If you missed Wednesday night's episode check it out here on C4's YouTube Channel.

topic tags: come date with me

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about the author

Like a modern day Moses, John Davis (formerly Jay Sivad) was rescued from under a bushel by the Dating Trail team. Cleansed of his past as a serious journalist, John emerged, the proverbial butterfly, as the country's leading dating writer. He's got practical skills too and can attest to being nation's most experienced dating host having run over 250 speed dating events for Original Dating. A stand up comedian, radio host, philosopher (it's true! He has the paperwork) and budding media personality (Channel Four's Come Date With Me), Jay turns a wry eye on the travails of modern dating and its participants.

John writes regularly for Dating Trail. If you'd like to be be first to find out about his next installment then please follow us on Twitter or 'Like' our Facebook page for updates.

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