First date down, but what happens next is ALL important

by Alexis Thompson
Girl Friday
Friday, 16th December 2011

From a girl’s perspective, most of us prefer it when the guy makes the initial call or text after a first date, as it shows that they are interested. However, if you had a successful first date and are keen to see him again, waiting around for his call can drive you to distraction. Here’s how to avoid the anxious wait after a first date, and know when it’s time to move on.

1. In an ideal world the guy will make contact within three days of your date, but in reality every guy is different and some times it may take longer for him to get in touch. A lot of men are pretty casual about this sort of thing and the chances are they won’t be thinking about it or analysing it as much as you. If he’s a laid back kind of guy with a busy work schedule and a hectic social life, then the chances are he could take anything from a week to two weeks to get in touch. It’s important that you don’t read this as a sign that he’s not into you, it could simply be that he really is that busy.

2. It’s important that you also keep yourself busy during this period, as then you won’t dwell on the date too much. Going over every detail and contemplating where it could have gone wrong is unhealthy and also unproductive. It’s far better to get on with your life, throw yourself into work, exercise and see your friends, as this will take your mind off things and help you to focus on the present.

3. Personally, I’d never recommend that a girl should make contact with a guy after a first date, because it could leave her open to unnecessary hurt and rejection if the guy doesn’t reply. It’s far better to protect your feelings and your dignity. Having said that, we do live in a modern and more equal society, where the dynamics are changing. So if you feel confident and brave enough to make the first move - then why not? Just make sure you’ve considered the consequences and are happy to risk feeling hurt and rejected if you don’t get the response you want. But it’s also important to remember that if a guy likes you, he will get in touch with you, and there is always a greater feeling of satisfaction when the guy does this first.

4. Keeping positive during the period after a first date is crucial. It’s easy to get carried away with the excitement and anticipation that a first date brings with it, and then feel deflated when it doesn’t go quite the way you hoped. It’s even worse when you do like someone and now you’re playing the waiting game, unsure of what’s going to happen next. You end up feeling restless, unsure, confused and unhappy if you don’t hear back from them immediately. It’s really important that you remain upbeat, however difficult this may prove when you’re feeling such a range of mixed emotions. People are attracted to positive people, and it’s far better to be an optimist then to live your life always fearing that the worst will happen. Put things into perspective- it’s a date. If you liked the guy and see him again then great, if not then move on. There’s no point losing sleep over someone that doesn’t want to be with you, and it’s important that you value yourself enough to want to be with a man who really likes you and who is considerate enough to let you know in an open and honest manner.

5. If a guy hasn’t got back to you within a week or so then it’s probably time to move on. Remember it’s his loss and that there’s plenty more fish in the sea, so cast your net again and see if you can get a better catch next time. Don’t dwell on it and certainly don’t feel anxious or insecure or worry that you weren’t good looking or charming enough for him. It’s important that you don’t take rejection personally; he may well have thought you were an attractive, great girl but that you simply weren’t the right girl for him. Or he may have his own personal reasons for not wanting to get involved with anyone, for example he may have just come out of a relationship with someone else and is still hurting, or his work life may be too demanding and he can’t find the time to date. Don’t start despairing that you’ll never meet the love of your life and you’ll be single forever because that’s not going to happen. Treat every date you go on, the good and the bad, as a learning curve and remember every time you go on a date with one man, you’re getting closer to finding the right man.

topic tags: first date, first move, relationships

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about the author

Alexis is a 27-year-old and very often, cash-strapped journo, searching for her ideal man in London. After being single for almost a year, since splitting with her first long term love, she's decided to ditch the night clubs and bars, and start finding more mature and sophisticated ways of meeting her Mr Right. Join her every Friday as she describes the trials and tribulations of discovering love in a city that has little time for romance, as well as offering advice to those in search of the same thing or who may not have realised they've already found it.

Alexis writes a weekly blog for Dating Trail. If you'd like to be be first to find out about her next installment then please follow us on Twitter or 'Like' our Facebook page for updates.

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