Relationship anxiety - Alexis deals with the niggling doubts that can blight new relationships

by Alexis Thompson
Girl Friday
Thursday, 19th January 2012

So I’ve made it passed that all important third date with my latest crush, I’ve even made it passed the fourth, fifth and sixth date, hurrah! It’s all very exciting. My new man is tall, dark and handsome as well as kind, considerate and fun to be around. All in all, he’s a bit of catch. However, as always when a new relationship begins to blossom in my life, a familiar feeling of insecurity begins to creep up on me too. It niggles away at me and it makes me want to do things such as check my phone every five minutes just to see if he’s text. It makes me start to panic if he doesn’t text when he says he will and worst of all it makes me convinced that this relationship will end in tears - my own tears. So why do I feel this way? As a single girl I’m secure, happy and confident, but as soon as I have a new man in my life, I become anxious and on edge. It’s not uncommon for people to feel anxious in the early stages of a relationship - many of us start wondering if are feelings are reciprocated, wondering if the relationship will go anywhere, even wondering if this person could end up being the one. Unfortunately these feelings of insecurity can hinder the development of a relationship. People can start to feel suffocated if you put pressure on them and displaying signs of insecurity can push someone away. The best thing you can do is to simply go with the flow- I know it’s easier said than done, but I’m making a list of the ways it can be achieved. And this time, I’m sticking to it.

Leave the phone alone

Modern day society may rely heavily on iphones, smartphones and Blackberries, but it doesn’t mean our whole lives should revolve around them. Constantly checking your phone to see if your new love interest has text or rang isn’t healthy nor is it practical. More over it will make it less likely to happen (I’m not sure why, but it’s quite often the case for me!) Get busy, throw yourself into your work, hit the gym, take the dog for a walk, do anything to keep your mind off him/ her calling. It’s only once your phone is out of sight that you’ll find that anxious knot in your stomach start to unravel and you’ll be able to gain some perspective and control over the situation.

Keep smiling

You’ve met a great new guy/ girl, who you love hanging out with and fancy like crazy, so why are you harboring feelings of negativity? This is a time in your life when you should be feeling positive and optimistic about the future- perhaps even a future with this person. If it’s going well then feel happy about it, life’s too short not to. If it doesn’t work out then it’s not the end of the world, it just simply means that you weren’t right for one another. Your new flame won’t be feeling as enthralled as you are about hanging out if you come with a negative attitude and a gloomy deposition. Remember positivity is a highly attractive quality, so if you want to make sure this person really likes you then keep happy, relaxed and confident.

Get busy

For many, myself included, when a new person comes into our lives we tend to neglect our friends and hobbies in an attempt to make more time to see them. It’s normal and natural, but it isn’t necessarily the right thing to do. Don’t worry that by turning down their offer for a Wednesday night date you’ll risk losing their interest all together- if anything it will make them even more interested. It may be an old-fashioned way of thinking, but certainly for women this is one rule that continues to prove effective, because men love a chase. If the relationship is new and fresh, keep it that way for as long as possible by minimising the amount of time you spend together. I know that sounds like a crazy idea if you can’t get enough of one another, but the flames of passion can fizzle fast, and people get bored of relationships quickly. Make sure your relationship is a slow burner by keeping your new love interest on their toes and looking forward to your next date. It’s also good to keep yourself extra busy during the times that you’re not together, make sure your life is full and interesting and that way you’re not relying on someone else to create your happiness.

topic tags: attraction, first date, flirting, relationships

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about the author

Alexis is a 27-year-old and very often, cash-strapped journo, searching for her ideal man in London. After being single for almost a year, since splitting with her first long term love, she's decided to ditch the night clubs and bars, and start finding more mature and sophisticated ways of meeting her Mr Right. Join her every Friday as she describes the trials and tribulations of discovering love in a city that has little time for romance, as well as offering advice to those in search of the same thing or who may not have realised they've already found it.

Alexis writes a weekly blog for Dating Trail. If you'd like to be be first to find out about her next installment then please follow us on Twitter or 'Like' our Facebook page for updates.

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