by Mr NetDatingBlog
Friday, 30th March 2012
Most people get nervous before a first date; but I genuinely never do. Second dates and beyond, yes, as there is definitely more at stake, but before a first date I’m usually excited and optimistic. For me, the most disturbing part of a first date is when it finishes. So much so, that the thought of what to do at the finale actually troubles me a bit during the date.
When I first started internet dating, if I thought that myself and the other person had got on well, then I would always ask afterwards whether they wanted to go on a second date. In retrospect, I don’t think that that strategy of laying my cards on the table and being honest had a positive outcome very much, especially if you’ve misread the signals. An example of this would be when a really enjoyable date I had a few years ago, ended after about 6 or 7 hours at various bars with a lady snogging my face off. I wrongly presumed that she liked me and had had a good time too as when I enquired about a second date, she started laughing uncontrollably, said ‘no’ and then walked off. At least she was honest.
I was discussing this subject with a friend of mine recently. She’s clearly more of an expert than me at internet dating. In fact she’s cracked the whole thing and has been in a relationship for over 2 years now with someone she met though Guardian Soulmates (see, these things do work). She surmised that sometimes when you ask someone directly after a date about a second one, it puts them in an awkward position as often they’re too polite to say ‘no.’ Or if they’re going on multiple dates then they don’t want to be pushed into making a decision as they may still be on the lookout and “add someone better to their basket” the next night.
One of the times I was put in this position and said ‘no,’ the person in question punched me and started to cry. After that I decided not to put others through a potentially similar scenario even though it’s very unlikely that I’d land a left hook on a date’s shoulder and start bawling my eyes out at the end of an evening, but you just never know.
For a couple of dates, I waited for the other person to contact me, but that didn’t work as I never heard back from them and it always made me wonder if they were waiting for me to message them. So, now I have just settled on the tried and tested formula of playing it cool and emailing or texting the person a day or so later in order to avoid any awkward moments. That also allows people to be honest without feeling any pressure to be polite. I’m not sure if it’s the perfect model though.
So, what is the best thing to do at the end of a date? (comments invited below) I have one coming up soon, and as it’s been a long time since I had a second one, I really do need to know so that I can concentrate on the date itself and not worry about the aftermath!
Mr NetDatingBlog is a normal...ish man in his mid 30's, originally hailing from the North, but now firmly based in London. He supports Newcastle United, goes to a lot of gigs and plays guitar terribly.
Between 2004 and the present day he has sporadically been a member of a number of different dating websites, and decided to write a blog entitled Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before to chronicle his experiences with online dating. He set out to highlight the randomness and reality of it all and to convey the highs and lows of this newly socially acceptable phenomenon. He's also still single but ever hopeful.
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