by John Davis
Writer, Comedian and Star of Come Date With Me
Monday, 11th June 2012
So you’ve managed to secure a date with a guy who appears relatively sane, solvent and sociable. He’s attractive, has a great sense of humour and appears genuinely interested in you, so much so that you’ve agreed to meet over a drink or a bite to eat. Ladies beware, here are 5 sure fire ways to make this potential paramour develop the running ability of Usain Bolt.
You may think your sultry silence suggests a burning intelligence and a hidden erotic potential akin to a smouldering Salma Hayek. Alas, you come across as a sulky, shy post-teen teen who probably wore too much black makeup and has a propensity to self harm.
Believe it or not, the majority of guys want to learn more about you.
We’re genuinely interested in what you have to say. If you’re giving nothing to the conversation we’ll try to compensate, probably out of nervousness, and then start to feel self conscious if there’s no response. You’ll probably then tell your friends that your date didn’t stop talking about himself.
And if we ask you a question, a shrug of the shoulders and a gruff ‘dunno’ an answer does not maketh. You look like a snob.
While most men will do their best to ensure that chivalry is not dead your claims to like ‘old fashioned’ dating do not create an image of a Georgian style romance where we open doors for you while you glimpse shyly at us while batting your eyelids. It makes us think you’re tight. And we’re being played.
Believe it or not, many men are grateful we no longer live in the dark ages of gender warfare. We’re also aware that misogyny and sexism is still rife in society. Expecting us to pay without saying so declares to us you probably blame all societies ills on lesbian single mothers, think the Women’s Institute is a bastion of progressive politics and you have a subscription to the Daily Mail. And we think we’re being played.
If you’ve enjoyed yourself and would like to see him again but in his eagerness to impress he’s built up a bill half of which would require you to sell a kidney, perhaps thank him for his generosity, tell him that you really weren’t expecting something so special and say something along the lines of “the next date is my treat”. That way you’ve saved yourself from the debt collectors, offered the probability of another date, and ensured you control the financial viability of next time.
LEAVE THE PHONE ALONE!
We expect you’ll have set up some safety call or get out clause in case of major disaster.
Updating Twitter, Facebook, Bebo, LinkedIn and all your mates throughout the evening is just rude. And we don’t want to hear about your online life. We’re dating in person for a reason. You sound like a 12 year old who makes V signs while pouting in every photo with your ‘besties’.
We don’t care if you’re over the moon that you’ve finally found a man you can have a truly platonic relationship with. It doesn’t show a progressive intellect. It shows an immaturity and lack of respect. It’s the gender equivalent of ‘some of my best friends are Black/Christian/Mechaphiles’.
We have gay friends too. And we gossip. Ever heard the term ‘Fag Hag’?
We’ll try and sympathise, agree that the majority of men may perhaps leave a lot to be desired in the dress sense/personal hygiene/conversational stakes, but go on too long and our thinking changes. You may think you’re making us feel special by being party to such privileged information. We start to feel uncomfortable.
We’re men too. Men have a curious sense of solidarity. This is why sometimes we prefer to go out with mates than go on a date. And if you feel this way about most men in your past, what’s to stop you talking about us in the same way?
We’ll also begin to think there’s something wrong with you. If you really have had so many bad experiences in the past, perhaps a closer examination of the common denominator is in order. I know this sounds like ‘blaming the victim’ but believe it or not, we’ve all had bad luck in the past. Blaming an entire gender while dating someone of that gender shows a lack of awareness akin to giving a blind person with no arms and no legs a pilots licence just because they asked.
So there you have it. All rants, raves, complaints, comments and praise welcomed equally. And don’t worry, guys haven’t got off scot free. A top Five for guys will be coming soon and it will be seriously controversial I promise.
Like a modern day Moses, John Davis (formerly Jay Sivad) was rescued from under a bushel by the Dating Trail team. Cleansed of his past as a serious journalist, John emerged, the proverbial butterfly, as the country's leading dating writer. He's got practical skills too and can attest to being nation's most experienced dating host having run over 250 speed dating events for Original Dating. A stand up comedian, radio host, philosopher (it's true! He has the paperwork) and budding media personality (Channel Four's Come Date With Me), Jay turns a wry eye on the travails of modern dating and its participants.
Already a member? Sign in here »