by John Davis
Writer, Comedian and Star of Come Date With Me
Thursday, 5th July 2012
Dating isn’t of course new. Ever since Ug the Dinosaur Slayer discovered the joys of courting Uga, courtship and the means to enter into its fraught ways have been a dominant factor in the life of our species.
While the mechanisms by which we seek out a companion may differ significantly, from arranged marriages, dinner and drinks, hobby sharing, and mass May Day cavorting to online dating and speeddating, the aim is the same. To find someone.
In this technological era, where time is as precious a commodity as shares in Apple, the lengths we go to in order to procure a mate are often strange and peculiar. However, some are just down right odd. So for your delectation I hereby present 5 of the odder ways in which you can hook up.
Not to be confused with Dogging Dating, doggy dating revolves around erstwhile singles using a shared love of dogs to meet in the park. Okay, so there are some similarities to dogging but the specifics differ somewhat. Take your dog for a walk and meet others who also enjoy a stroll with mans best friend. Not so odd you say? Rubbish.
Notwithstanding my general nonchalance towards canine companions it strikes me as slightly disturbing that individuals will utilize animals in order to increase the possibility of having sex. What’s that? He’s a Schnauzer Wolf Hound Cross? Hot. Let’s bang.
Or perhaps it’s a suppressed corpophilia. I really admire the way you bent over and picked up your dogs poo with that black plastic bag. What are you up to later?
Run around the park in order to get to know people? Hang out at the gym?
So! *huff* What! *wheeze* Do! *snort* You! *cough* Do!? *collapse*
Very, very few people look attractive when working out. I mean, seriously! Most runners I see look utterly traumatized. And guys lifting weights look like they’re desperately trying to squeeze one out after 30 days of constipation.
Coronaries are never sexy!
You’re sweaty, huffing and puffing, unable to utter a word bigger than one syllable… Oh hang on… I think I get it.
I swear this is true. To celebrate the 100th anniversary of the publication of Freud’s treatise, Contributions to the Psychology of Love, the Freud museum decided to hold a Freudian dating event. Think scattered cushions and games where people share the most intimate aspects of their dreams.
Apparently it was a little odd with Ivan Ward, Deputy Director of the Museum, seemingly missing the point. Looking at the close proximity of the cushions to each other he was heard to mutter “Why would you want to be so close to each other?”
Perhaps a turn on the couch would have been better Ivan?
What to say: My, your id and ego look incredibly good in that dress.
What not to say: Will you be my Mummy?
Back in 2009, Alton Towers launched Roller Coaster Speed Dating. 49 seconds to meet other thrill seeking singles while traveling upside down.
On the plus side, according to a spokesperson “Taking a theme park ride has all the qualities of going on that first date: excitement, uncertainty, novelty and of course, adrenaline.
"The combination of a high endorphin rush and the production of adrenaline brought on by rides makes for a heady mixture, which is perfect for the first date.”
And on the minus side? Screaming like a girl while pissing yourself in public is not a great look. Unless you’re a girl. Well, the pissing part isn’t gender specific.
Started recently in the US, smell dating involves sleeping in a t-shirt on three consecutive nights and then bringing the t-shirt to the event sealed in a plastic bag. Each bag is then numbered and placed on a table. Participants then get to sniff the contents. If they want what they whiff, they’re then photographed holding the numbered bag and the image is projected onto a big screen. The owner of that t-shirt then tracks down their olfactory other.
Then, apparently, romance ensues.
I can’t help thinking this is a little like Doggy Dating but where humans pretend to be dogs.
So that’s it. Some of the more peculiar dating experiences desperation has driven us to. If you’ve heard of any other weird dating events, drop me a line.
Like a modern day Moses, John Davis (formerly Jay Sivad) was rescued from under a bushel by the Dating Trail team. Cleansed of his past as a serious journalist, John emerged, the proverbial butterfly, as the country's leading dating writer. He's got practical skills too and can attest to being nation's most experienced dating host having run over 250 speed dating events for Original Dating. A stand up comedian, radio host, philosopher (it's true! He has the paperwork) and budding media personality (Channel Four's Come Date With Me), Jay turns a wry eye on the travails of modern dating and its participants.
Already a member? Sign in here »