How to Approach People & Start a Conversation
by Peter Spalton, the Dating Doctor
Dating is a serious business and you have to realise that The One you're looking for could be anywhere. You need to get in the mindset that everyone you meet is "single, attractive and interesting". Just think that the person behind you in the cash point queue could be Your One. And there is only one way to find out - turn to them and talk to them.
This article covers how to approach people in two types of environment - strangers in an everyday situation such as the cash point or a supermarket, and people at a social or business gathering.
Approaching Strangers
If you want to approach a complete stranger, say at the shops or in a bar, it's important that you study the situation that you are both in. For example, in the supermarket you need to check what's on the shelves in front of them. Things that interest or puzzle you are likely to interest them. Then make a comment about it, such as...
"That stuff looks fun, doesn't it?"
"There are too many sauces here, it's so hard to decide."
"These looks interesting, have you tried them?"
"Now those look fattening, but terrific!"
"You know, they never seem to put anything on special offer that I really want".
The trick is to not think too hard about what you're going to say, because you'll 'chicken-out'. The best way is to trust your luck and just look at the situation you're both in, turn to other person and say the first thing that comes in your head. The worse thing that can happen is that they just say "uurh". Often if you try and think of what to say, your brain will 'freeze', you'll panic and end up saying nothing at all.
You can meet someone anywhere, but the best places are where they've got time to talk to you. Places like:
- waiting for the train, bus, plane or cash point;
- art gallery, museum or exhibition;
- supermarket and DIY shed;
- bookshop, music and DVD store;
If you want to meet men, try the outdoor and gadget shops - Dixons, Halfords, North Face, Ellis & Bingham, etc.
To meet women, try card, candle and gift shops - Paperchase, WH Smiths, Habitat, Lush, Whittards, etc.
Examples of Chance Encounters:
1. Waiting for the Train, Bus, Plane or Cash Point
Places where people have to wait are great opportunities to meet people. Mainly because they are probably bored and would welcome someone to talk to.
"I think the bus is going to be late again."
"I don't know why we put up with this."
"We've been waiting ages, is this train always late?"
"Why are there never enough seats?"
2. Art Gallery, Museum or Exhibition
The best way to approach someone is when they are standing looking at a picture or exhibit. Come along side them, and after a few seconds say something that strikes you about the picture or exhibit. Maybe something like... "I love the way he's captured the shadows."
You've then got keep the conversation going. You could ask them if they've been here before, whether they're on a visit for the day or on holiday, or if they saw another exhibition that you also went to. Then listen to what they say and follow any interesting things they might mention to build the conversation.
3. Supermarket and DIY Shed
People will often browse when they're shopping in the big supermarkets and DIY stores. They also have a trolley or basket which will contain information about they're preferences. So when they stop look at the stuff on the shelves or in their basket and make a comment.
"That's a lovely colour paint, what room are you doing?"
"Can you see the xxxx on this shelf?"
"I see that you've bought some dog food, what kind of dog you got?"
"Do you know what these are like?"
4. Book Shop, Music and DVD Store
People in bookshops are usually relaxed and have time to talk. Often they can't escape as they might be browsing a book off the shelf. However in music stores, people tend to be more rushed, and you have to compete with the background music.
"Greece is lovely, are you planning a holiday there?
"My brother's into Sci-Fi, can you recommend something?"
"Did you hear their last release?"
"I loved his performance in that film."
"I can never find anything I like in the sales."
Approaching People at Social Events
This is the easiest to do because people expect you to come and talk to them at a party, conference or networking event.
How to Approach Someone Who's on their Own:
You just need to follow these three steps...
- Notice how they are sitting or standing and work out the best way to go up to them without surprising them.
- Try and catch their eye as you approach, smile.
- Say your name as they look at you, "Hi, I'm xxxx".
When you approach someone, do it slightly from the side to avoid a 'full-frontal attack' or frightening them by coming from behind.
If they are sitting, say your name as you approach and then sit down so your eyes are on the same level. Otherwise they will feel that you are trying to dominate them.
How to Break Into Groups:
If people are standing in a group you need to notice how the group is positioned.
When it's just two people standing and chatting at a social gathering they will usually be at a slight angle. This is the easiest group to approach and all you have to do is move gently into the gap between them and try and catch the eye of the person speaking. When they stop talking, just say hello.
It's more difficult if there is a group of three or more. Then you have to decide which person you'd like to talk to, that's usually the one that looks a bit bored. Then approach the group so you gently move into the gap directly opposite the person you have chosen to talk to.
Just remember that The One you're looking for could be anywhere. Say to yourself that everyone you meet is "single, attractive and interesting" and grasp the moment. You never know where you might end up.
As the Dating Doctor, Peter Spalton speaks at events, runs high-energy workshops and coaches people on all aspects of flirting, dating, seduction and chatting up strangers.
He is a member of the advisory board to the Academy of Sex and Relationships in London and does two or three radio slots every month.
In addition he gives regular interviews to newspapers and magazines. He has appeared live on national TV and radio as well as numerous BBC and commercial radio stations around the country.
Visit him on the Web at www.thedatingdoctor.co.uk
This article has been reproduced with the permission of the author.