Speed date flirting by Sam van Rood
You should have a fun and interesting opening line to get the person you are speed-dating to open up and talk about themselves. Other examples you could try are as follows:
For men to women:
- 'If you were a character in the TV show Sex and the City, which one would you be and why?'
- 'If you were a movie star, who would you be and why?'
For women to men:
- 'If you were a superhero, which one would you be and why?'
- 'What's your favourite beer?'
- 'What's your favourite sports team?'
All these are light-hearted and will mark you out from the rest of the crowd.
Talk about something interesting
Try to get the person you are speed-dating to talk about something interesting, something that they love. In the speeddating study, travel came out top because it made people seem glamorous and they felt good talking about it.
Another good way of getting people to open up is to find out what their passion is. It is different for everyone: some people love books, some are Star Wars fans, some love food, some love travel. If you can quickly find out what someone's passion is, then your three minutes will be packed full of conversation and they will be reluctant to leave.
How do you do this? Try asking, 'What's your passion?' or 'What do you do for kicks?' When people talk about something they love, it is terribly interesting for them since we all love talking about out passions, and it will make them feel good. If you have that passion in common, it means you are going to make a very quick and strong connection.
It's about your state of mind
Speed-dating is also about your state of mind. 93 per cent of communication is non-verbal - what you are feeling and thinking is reflected in your body language and voice tone. In speed-dating, you only have a short time to make a first impression, and so it is important that you are feeling confident and relaxed. When you are confident and relaxed you will find that you talk more slowly - but remember less is more - while there may be fewer words, there is more information coming from your body.
Case study
Patrick was having no luck with speed-dating. He was nervous about it and lacked confidence. Generally, he would get two ticks out of 20 at speed-dating events. I worked with him and he learned how to change his state of mind by using a mind programming CD to feel more confident about speed-dating. As a result, his whole body language changed and he gave a much better first impression. He now gets 11-12 ticks out of 20 on a regular basis.
If you feel you need a boost in confidence for speed-dating, go to Chapter 4 and the 'shrinking violet syndrome' section and do the exercise for boosting confidence. Use speed-dating as your flirting situation.
In summary:
- Talking about work is banned - it's boring.
- It's all about chemistry - keep the conversation light and fun.
- You only have 30 seconds to make your impression.
- Ask an interesting first question.
- Find out what the other person loves and get them to talk about it.
- It's about your state of mind - being relaxed and confident makes a big difference.
This article has been reproduced with the permission of the author. To find out more about Sam and how to get the book visit Sam van Rood.com »